You may not like this, but...

http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com/sports_bianchi/2010/07/forget-southern-cal-alabama-is-ncaas-most-consistent-cheater.html

Thanks again to Amy Eddings for keeping me on the up and up.

ONLY 44 DAYS UNTIL FOOTBALL SEASON!

Office Antics Part 2

Like I mentioned before, there is never a dull day in my office... I thought Thursday afternoon's office banter was worth sharing with others:

It was the end of a busy afternoon, and I had just gotten back to my desk from running errands for my boss, Randy, who was sitting at his desk showing Shlomi, one of our crazy Israeli vendors, a video of his 3 year old. Shlomi laughs and says that it doesn't get any better than that age, and he wishes his children were still young. He goes on to say how much trouble his 16 year old and 14 year old can get in. His wife Sara, who I can honestly say is like an officer in the Israeli army, always barking orders to whoever answers the phone when she calls the office, he says, is worse than the CIA or the FBI. He goes on to say how she stalks her children on Facebook and listens in on their phone conversations. Upon hearing this, I start to giggle. Shlomi replies, "K.T. I am serious. Let me tell you what she did last week... She was our son's Facebook page, and his friend sent him a message saying that he had come to the city and smoked hookah. So, when I got home, Sara was on a tirade, screaming 'Did you know our son is smoking hookah?!?'" At this, Randy and I cannot stop laughing and are both getting red in the face. Shlomi laughs himself and then continues with his story; he responds to his wife saying, "What's a hookah? Is it a new drug? How come I have never tried this?" He said that this response frustrates his wife, and Randy adds his two cents saying, "Has Sara caught you smoking weed in the house again?" Shlomi responds "No, I am only allowed to smoke in my car now; she doesn't want the kids to find it." Then, he continues back with his story saying how his wife storms into the child's room demanding to know when and where he smoked hookah. Under Sara's wrath, the poor child said that he wasn't even there and that it was the night she wouldn't let him leave the house. Shlomi goes onto to say that he was laughing behind her back as Sara disciplines their child. But, she does not just stop there; she butts into everyone else's business and calls all of the parents of 16 year olds in their Long Island, Israeli neighborhood and tell them that their children are smoking hookah and need to be punished, causing an uproar in the whole community... Randy and I are laughing hysterically as Shlomi finishes up. Eventually, typical Randy gains his composure and gets back to business saying "That's enough, that's enough. Shlomi I have some shirts you can buy for $4.00 and sell for $4.50, that is $900 for your weed for the month." Shlomi's response "Alright, I will take them." Just another typical day in the office.

WDE!!!!

War Damn Eagle Bitches! Maybe Leo D will meet me in Auburn for the Georgia game...

http://www.popsugar.com/Slide-Picture-Leonardo-DiCaprio-Cape-Town-Airport-South-Africa-8995813

Special thanks to my good friend Amy Eddings for emailing me this!! Who knew Leo loved my college as much as I do!!!!

"I'm in NANTUCKET Trick"

Oh the 4th of July; Nantucket was everything that I hoped it would be and more.

Our vacay started out after work with a drive to Boston. Daniel Boone, Mary Leigh and I decided to start a happy hour in the car (Adam, the driver, was pretty pleased). We get to Boston and Hans's friend, Tim, who was nice enough to let us stay with him, was already at the bar so we were just going to meet him there. Well, the GPS gets us a little lost and says to make "a legal U-turn" at the next light. So, Mary Leigh, Daniel, and I are like "oh yeah make the U-turn it says it's legal." Adam takes our drunken advice and makes the U-turn; we immediately get pulled over. The cop turned out to be pretty nice and just gave Adam a warning, but at the same time, we still don't know where this bar is we are supposed to be going. We look up the address again, and realized that we are right in front of it. We got pulled over directly in front of the bar that we were going to; good thing the cop had already driven off.

The next morning, since we were going off of 2 hours of sleep and were trying to catch the 9:15am ferry, we were driving like a bat out of hell, following the boys in the car in front of us to Hyannis. Since Adam is not a professional Nascar driver, we lose them ,and we get worried that we are going to get lost and miss the ferry. We are driving along what we assume is the right direction, when we suddenly notice their Tahoe pulled over on the side of the Interstate. I was thinking great they have a flat tire or something and we are definitely going to miss the ferry. But then I notice that they are all standing next to each other with their backs to the road and the car. They were all just in a line peeing. We honked, they waved, we kept going. Normal?

I LOVED LOVED LOVED every single thing about Nantucket; it was adorable. It is amazing to me how such a beautiful place with such classy people can be a total shitshow at the same time. The beach is really cool because cars can drive on it, but as we were peddling our bikes up to the "party beach" a cop stopped us and told us that if we were caught with open containers we would be arrested. Of course, we are like oh no, but we knew our friends were already there and that there was no way they were all sitting around sober playing Frisbee. So, we take our chances. Turns out there is no possible way that the Nantucket police station could hold all of the alcoholics on that beach, even if they tried. Pretty much if you were drinking out of a solo cup or using a koozie then you were fine. We are all drinking, taking in the atmosphere, and having a great time when the group next to us starts chanting "Ole! Ole! Ole!" as a guy chugs Jose Cuervo straight from the handle. Immediately, a cop on a 4-wheeler pulls up, which draws the attention of the entire surrounding beach, including our group. The cop starts to reprimand the guy and asks him to pour out the rest of the handle, and of course the guy tries to plead his case. Apparently, the cop won because the guy began pouring all of his Jose Cuervo into the sand, which ignited a very loud "BOOOOOOO" from the entire beach. As he is pleading with the cop and pouring out his alcohol, his friend sticks his head underneath the bottle and starts drinking the straight tequila that was being poured out; all of this is happening right in front of the cop. The entire beach starts chanting "USA! USA! USA!", and the cop just laughs, shakes his head, and gets on his 4-wheeler and drives off. It was pretty priceless.

The rest of the weekend was just as crazy, and I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we were all sad to leave on Monday hungover, sunburned, and tired. No one was looking forward to the 2 hour ferry followed by 4 hour car ride that we had ahead of us. The ferry was too hot and sticky to be pleasant for me, and I was ready to get in the car with the AC so I could just sleep. We get out of Cape Cod with minimal traffic and are cruising through Rhode Island; we are all doing the math and decide we will be back in the City by 8ish and are talking about what shows we are going to watch. Suddenly, Mary Leigh notices that her book and pillow that were on the floorboard of the passenger seat are soaking wet, and it was soon determined that something from the air conditioning was leaking. So, Adam turns the AC off, which just so happens to be the exact same time that traffic comes to a standstill. Adam can handle extreme heat; Mary Leigh, Daniel, and I, all being from the deep South ironically enough, cannot deal with it. Anyone that remotely close to knows the
three of us knows that we are probably the 3 worst people that could have been in the car with Adam (God bless him). In the back seat, me and Daniel were trying our hardest to hold out on the complaining, but we were drenched with sweat and our skin was getting redder by the minute. Mary Leigh initiates the bitching, which gets all three of us wound up. Needless to say, there were a lot of "I'm dying", "I think I am going to be sick", and "Is there any way we can catch up to Hans and get in the car with them?" After about an hour of pleading, crying, and begging, we convince Adam that nothing is wrong with his AC and that we cannot possibly sit at a standstill in 96 degree heat another minute. He relentlessly turns it back on. The traffic though does not move. We end up not getting home until 11pm, which was a solid 12 hours since we had left the hotel. We could have flown to London and back. The long car ride back, the hangovers, and the sunburns were all worth it though because it was a phenomenal weekend...

Mommy and Me Weekend

This past weekend I was in Mobile for my friend Emily Zelenka's wedding. Other than my mommy, no one else in my family felt that I was important enough to come home to see. Saturday, me and my mom get ready for the wedding and head to St. Dominic's. The entire 10 minute car ride there, my mom is complaining about how her Spanx are rolling down and that maybe they aren't the right size and blah, blah, blah; so, like any good child would do, I turn the radio up and tune her out. As we are getting out of the car, I can see my mom quickly adjust her dress on the other side of the car, but I think nothing of it.

We are seated at the church, and as I am watching Emily walk down the aisle and my mom taps me on the shoulder. I thought that she was going to say how beautiful Emily looked or something along those lines. Instead, my mom whispers "Katie, these Spanx are seriously rolling down; they are almost to my knees!" I hiss back to her "Mom, shhhh, go to the bathroom and take them off then; I am trying to watch the ceremony!!!" Emily and Brandon have now said their 'I Do's', and we are in the aisle walking up to receive communion. My mom keeps tapping my shoulder, and out of respect to God, I ignore her. I do happen to take a quick glance over my shoulder to see my mom waddling behind me (her Spanx really must have rolled down to her knees). I turn to her and just roll my eyes. As soon as the ceremony is over, my mom has disappeared, and I assume she has gone to the restroom to take care of her little "problem". I am chatting with my friend, Michelle and her family, as my mom walks out looking distressed saying "Those Spanx were about 5 sizes too small, I think I got mine confused with Micki's!!!"

The entire walk over to the reception I jokingly mock my mom and told her that she should have realized before we left the house that those were not the right size Spanx. My mom hands me a beer and tells me to quit talking about it. At the reception, I am catching up with my old friends (since Kindergarten), Chelsea and Michelle, and Michelle decides she wants a picture of the 2 of us. She hands her camera to her boyfriend, Shane, and I stand up to walk over to her. As I take a step toward her, my feet come out from under me, I slide a few feet and end up on the floor somewhere between the bride's cake and the groom's cake. At this point, I am mortified, and as Michelle's dad rushes over to help me, I notice my mom still sitting in her chair DYING LAUGHING. Michelle's dad, Mr. Tom, assures me that noone except their table saw, and Michelle includes that it was the most graceful slip and at least I didn't expose myself. After much reassurance, I am finally convinced that it was not as big of a deal as it seemed and am once again enjoying the reception. 20 minutes or so later, I suddenly hear "Hey Katie!" from behind me, and Jessica Crabtree is cracking up saying "NICE FALL! I think the whole place saw that!" So, needless to say, like mother, like daughter; both my mom and myself managed to be trainwrecks and embarrass ourselves. I hope we didn't ruin your wedding Emily!!

Office Antics

I LOVE my job, and I can honestly say there is never a dull day in my office. Here are a few one-liners from my boss, Randy, that I think anyone would find humorous, whether you know him or not:

Randy to my coworker, Mun: "Mun, I almost didn't recognize you with your new hairdo. Looks like you have been electrocuted!"

Randy to his wife: "Please take your personality to your own office, people are trying to work here"

Randy to me, Neletha and our ex-coworker Courtney as he is leaving one afternoon: "Katie, Neletha, have a great night; thanks for everything. Courtney, try to actually do some work tomorrow, would you?!?!"

Randy to basically the entire office when he realized he was not informed of a sample sale we were having: "SAMPLE SALE?!? I have big customers coming in this afternoon and noone told me about a sample sale! Put all this crap up; it looks like an f-in gypsy flea market in here!"

Conversation between Randy and another business partner, Suzanna, about replacing someone at the warehouse: Randy "What happened to the other guy?" Suzanna "Well, when we hired him we thought he would do an amazing job because he went to Yale." Randy "Where did the new guy go to college?" Suzanna "Umm... just community college." Randy "Now that sounds more like our level... yeah, he will be a good fit here"

Office conversation about what Lloyd should get his wife for their 25th wedding anniversary: Nadine "Diamonds" Suzanna "A nice trip and diamonds" Randy "Get rid of her. Tell her the 25 years have been great, but its time for an upgrade"

Randy to noone in particular: "Why do we need a shirt designer when we can just go to Saks and knock all their stuff off?"

Randy and his 3 year old, Ella, when they saw a naked caveman at the Museum of Natural History: Ella "Daddy look! Daddy look! I can see his 'P'!!!" Randy "Alright, Alright, Calm down, Calm down, Ella"

Randy to Me when he heard I left work early the day before because I was sick: "Katie, I heard you bit the dust yesterday. We are going to have to start some alcohol testing around here..."

Now.. Tell Me I Look Pretty!

Don't take the title the wrong way, I am not that conceited...

Last weekend, my friend Charlie, her sister Jordan, and Jordan's friend, Jami, were in NYC visiting me for Jordan's 21st birthday. We had just finished getting ready and were about to leave for the big Yankees Mets game, when I looked around and said "aww ya'll look so pretty." Their only response was an unenthusiastic "thanks." Not that I was fishing for a compliment or anything, but most people would generally have said a "you too." I was used to this sort of behavior, however, because my little sister, Micki, refuses to pay me any sort of compliment; I was beginning to think that it probably was just me. So, I made a mental note for Monday to research ways I could better alter my appearance other than liposuction (my grandmother has rejected my loan application for this plastic surgery numerous times).

The next evening we are leaving my apartment for a nice dinner at Pastis and a night out on the town, and I turn to my friends and tell them how pretty they look. Again, they simply said "thanks", but this time I didn't let them off so easily; I command "Now, tell me I look pretty!" They get a good laugh out of it and off we go. Later in the evening, we end up at Gatsby's, a fun bar in SOHO. We are having a nice time fist-pumping and just being patriotic in general(chanting USA! USA! for the World Cup); so, I tap the guy next to me on the shoulder and ask him to capture this moment by taking a picture of Charlie and I. As soon as he turns around, Charlie and I both whisper to one another how creepily this guy resembles Joran Van Der Sloot. Being 6 vodka cranberries and somewhere between 3 to 7 shots deep, I am convinced that the guy holding my camera is Joran Van Der Sloot and that I am about to be abducted. Since she is the married, logic one, Charlie reminds me that Joran is in jail in Peru and that there is no possible way that he is in this bar in SOHO holding my camera. So, after Charlie's reassurance, we turn back around and poise for the picture. After taking it, I confidently ask Joran "Did I look pretty?" His response, "beautiful." Inebriated and flirting with a potential serial killer, the lengths I go to to finally be paid a compliment...

See above photo of Charlie, Joran, and I... Admit it, you would have been scared too.